Jennapiller

Pumpkin had her first soccer practice today. I think that it went well, though she was a little disappointed. She felt bad because she couldn’t keep up with the other kids, and she wasn’t as skilled as they were. However, she ended up being the only child there who had never played soccer before.

I told her that she was doing great, and the only area that I could see that she *really* needed to work on was paying attention. She begged to play goalie, but then wasn’t paying attention to what was going on when she got that opportunity. I think that she was getting bored because all of the action was at the other end of the field. But, that is an important thing, paying attention to the play when the ball isn’t in your zone yet.

I was very thankful that the coaches were patient with Pumpkin. She got confused with some of the drills, because she had never done them before. But, they helped explain things to her, and then helped her along until she understood.

Pumpkin and I had a little talk, and I told her that I would help her with some drills. I also told her that she would have to run laps in front of the house to build up her endurance. I don’t care of she becomes some “star” on the field, but I would like to help her become proficient enough that she enjoys playing. At one point, she came and sat down next to me on the bleacher, saying that she couldn’t “do it”. She was disappointed because the other children were so much faster and more skilled than she is. I simply told her that with some more practice, she will be just as good as the other members of her team. I didn’t want to lie to her and tell her that she was just super, because that would have been mean. She wouldn’t trust me anymore if she knew I was just lying to make her feel better. I do make a point to congratulate her when she executes a move well, or runs real hard. She’s got a lot of heart. 

When I walked by the thermostat, it said: 74*. I am loving the 70’s. *laughs* Yesterday, it was so hot that I had my own rag that I carried with me to wipe myself off with. Otherwise, I was blinded by my own sweat at every turn. DH fussed at me a little and inquired as to my reasons for not going down to the cool of the basement. Well, I was busy moving furniture!

I cleaned and rearranged the livingroom yesterday. That was a really big deal, let me tell ya. I went through all of our books on the bookcase, and I threw out a bunch of old magazines and catalogs. Now my dear husband cannot complain that he can’t find his car books or his newest Summit Racing catalog.  They have their very own shelf, as do my cookbooks and crochet book.

Part of cleaning up the livingroom involved moving our satellite and VCR stuff to the bookcase, since I arranged two bookcases under the tv to try and balance that wall. (The tv is so large that one bookcase just looked ridiculous under there.) Have I mentioned that I don’t know what those cords do? I did eventually get the satellite hooked up to the tv, though I couldn’t get the other tv’s back on. DH later told me that I missed the gray cord. *laughs* I informed him that he would have to fix it, since I didn’t know where it hooked in at. But, I did get the stereo hooked up on my own. I learned about gray and red speaker wire, and that they really do have to line up with the appropriate colored receptacles.

All in all, our livingroom looks uncluttered and neat now! That makes me happy. It is even nicer that I could count my cleaning towards my exercise goal for the day. Every little bit helps, as I fight with the scale to get my weight down.

It has been 90*, which is a little hot for it still being spring. Thankfully, we have a basement, and we know how to use it. *laughs* We have a tv, couch, fridge, toaster oven, table, and pool table down there now. So, Pumpkin and I spent most of the day below, trying to stay cool. We did take some time to run around through the sprinkler though, during the early afternoon. Boy, that hose water is cold! It felt good to relax on the porch though, all wet and drippy. My plants enjoyed the drink too, since they were starting to wilt under the sun.

Today was one of Pumpkin’s “summer school” days. She did mathematics, word games, grammar, science, and time telling (technically math, I guess). I’ve been giving her work every few days, just to keep her fresh. I don’t want her to forget what she had learned, and a little bit of work helps keep her sharp. It was nice from my point of view too. I sat down and perused her 2nd grade English book while today. I think that next week, I will go through her 3rd grade Science book (we’ll be using that for 2nd grade). Eventually, I need to put together some kind of rudimentary plan for dividing the work through the next ’school year’. It almost seems to early to begin all of that, except that it seems to sneak up on me otherwise.

Oh, since I was outside, I did take some time to look over my plants. My largest tomato plant is one that I didn’t even mean to plant. lol I left some tomatoes outside, since the bugs had gotten into a couple. They re-seeded themselves, and now I have some pretty plants growing by our berry bush. Today, I pushed a couple of 2′ sticks into the dirt so I can tie them up in a couple of weeks. I have small sticks by my plants in the front garden, but that is mainly so I don’t accidentally weed my tomato plants. I don’t know if anyone else worries about that, but I know that I could do something silly like killing my own plants.

The onions are coming up, I think. At least, I am assuming that those little leaves are the onions. Maybe I have crazy weeds. lol I will find out soon though! I did have to pluck a couple maple seedlings out of the onion rows. Hey! I forgot to add it, but I found berries on our bush! We didn’t have berries last year because we had just planted the bush. It has grown a lot this spring, and now it has small berries on it. I am so excited that it will bear fruit this year. It may not be much, but it is still exciting anyway. The vining shoot from the bush is now getting long enough that I can begin winding it up the garage, like I had planned. That seemed like a good place because of the gutter downspout. Thankfully, DH doesn’t mind me growing things on his garage.

Alright, it is too hot in here. I am going to put myself to bed in front of the fan and pray for sleep. I have been having a terrible time getting to sleep at night. Not only will my brain not quiet down, but my legs are restless. Because of that, I’ve been sleeping in about 1/2 hour or so in the mornings. I want to get out early tomorrow so I can fill up the car with gas, and maybe we can visit a farm market… if I can find one. lol

Well, as I snuggled in bed and tried to hide from what meager sunlight there was this morning, I was thinking about the dress issue. What I realized is that I have a perfectly good dress in my closet, just waiting for me to be small enough to wear it. The dress is a green satin, long and strapless. DH bought it for me at the thrift store, and it would look very flashy with a string of pearls and a small white purse. Best of all, the dress is long enough to hide the fact that I totally plan on wearing satin slippers- actual slippers. I will not be the woman running around barefoot because her shoes are killing her. I’ve been that lady too many times. *laughs*

Now, the only thing standing between me and that dress is about 31 pounds. Thankfully though, I have nearly 3 times the amount of days as I do pounds, during which time I can be a good girl and take care of myself. If I don’t make it, then I can just buy something will fit properly at whatever size I happen to be. However, it is my desire to not only save the money, but boost my own spirits, by wearing that green dress. That would make me a pretty happy girl. Even if every other person in the room (aside from DH, mind you) thought that my dress was hideous, I would be proud to zip it up and float around the room in it.

I’m already on my way to getting into the dress, since I have a couple weeks of healthy eating under my belt. I began a new exercise routine yesterday, something that I think I can maintain, regardless of my bum knee. If I am diligent, I believe that my exercises will help me to have very pretty shoulders, which are always a plus when wearing a strapless dress. Thankfully, if I have the long dress, I can even wear my brace under it so I can dance.

Speaking of brace, I had better get off of here and get onto the phone. The health insurance people called me yesterday, and I need to call them back to give them some information. I hope this means that I am one step closer to a more pain-free-ish existence.

I’ve been thinking about dresses lately, since I found out that my dad is getting married in August. He says that they are planning for the end of the month, so that gives me more time to clean some of the junk out of my trunk. *chuckles*

Part of the conversation that I had had with my orthopedic surgeon was that I am trying to slim down, but that I need some help being physical. It’s hard to walk on a joint that protests. He is encouraging me to try and exercise, and he specifically wants me in physical therapy to teach me how I can exercise this bum leg, and how to take care of it when I am in pain. There is no getting around the fact that I will be hurting, but he wants to try and make things easier to handle. So, all that said, I hope that my newly invigorated self is at least a couple sizes smaller by the time of my dad’s wedding. I’d like to buy a new dress to wear for the occasion, but I won’t start serious shopping until it is closer to the date. I learned my lesson with my sister’s wedding, let me tell ya.

I am feeling a little uncertain about the type of dress that I should be looking for. I just want something that I could also wear to church, because *too* fancy dresses are pretty useless to me in my daily life. While I would love to feel confident that I could wear some flashy and utterly flattering dancing dress, I’m not sure what kind of shape I am going to be in. Let’s be honest- dresses for gals my size tend to look like they belong on my grandma or great-grandma, maybe no so much on a 28 year old lady. However, it is by far worse to show up at an event looking gross than it is to be dressed in an ‘older’ fashion.

Then, there is that tricky issue of modesty. For as much as my husband may love to see my goods on display, they really are only for him to be looking at. Personally, I don’t like to show any cleavage at all. DH says that I’m wearing a short skirt when I wear a knee-length dress, because mine are normally longer. Oh, and 3/4 sleeves are a blessing because of my pudgy upper arms. It is seriously difficult to find a fashionable dress that covers my girls, my thighs, and my upper arms without wearing something right out of the “mother of the bride” section of the store. That is kind of funny though, since the bride is old enough to be my …mother. (Man, that nearly chokes me to even type it. )

It is an interesting situation. I can either be modest and look like a child molester when standing next to my husband (he definitely looks 15), or I can look my age and also look like a woman of loose morals. Ok, I guess I look like a person with loose morals either way. *chuckles* Doesn’t anyone do classy anymore? And by classy, I don’t mean square.

Outside My Window…

the sky is a misty gray, and moisture hangs heavy in the air. We are supposed to get some thunderstorms today. It will be lovely for my plants, and the cooler air is a delightful blessing after being hot yesterday.

I am thinking…

about what I might be able to put in my sister’s yard sale this weekend. Will it be worth packing this stuff up, possibly to just bring it back home again? I think that maybe we would just take the leftovers to the donation center at the thrift store.

I am thankful for…

nights spent cheering with my husband, while watching hockey. It is nice to sit around and have fun like buddies.

From the kitchen…

there will be fish tonight. Since DH is funny about fish, he and Pumpkin will be eating fish sticks, while I have a small salmon fillet. I will round out the meal with mashed potatoes, green beans, and a salad.

I am wearing…

a pair of tan colored pants and a bright orange tunic top. I really love the square neckline of my top, and the long length. I bought one in pink, and this orange one from Dots- a place that has pretty clothes for skinny and fluffy gals alike.

I am creating…

the same robe that I’ve been working on! *laughs* I had to take out the side panels and make them larger, because I had miscalculated. It is coming along though, and should be done in a couple of days.

I am going…

to the market, once DH gets home. I just need to run up there to pick up the lettuce that I forgot to buy a couple days ago. My lettuce is turning brown, it has been eaten from for so long. That’s not really good eats.

I am reading…

The book of Esther. I have read through about half of it before, but I want to read through the whole book this week. I’ll be reading and commenting on my reading over at my bible study and prayer blog.

I am hoping…

that DH can get our ‘88 Cougar done this summer. He will be working on it again this weekend, as we wait on parts for our daily driver, the ‘95 Cougar. It will be wonderful to have the car done, especially since DH is now excited about the idea of fixing up the ‘95 and keeping it. We had originally been talking about buying a diesel vehicle and possibly converting it to run on vegetable oil. We may still do that, but he will still have to drive to and from work until we get the details worked out and fix up a suitable vehicle.

I am hearing…

the Bob Dutko show playing from the living room. We listen to the radio a lot during the day. I don’t like to have the t.v. on, for fear that it will melt our brains and make us stupid. lol

Around the house…

things are looking pretty good. They aren’t perfect, and I think that I will be picking at the little clusters of clutter that are here and there. The major cleaning was done yesterday, but I would like to do more laundry and get my bedroom cleaned up more. (Why is my bedroom the only room of the house that is consistently messy??)

One of my favorite things…

is hot tea with two packets of Splenda, and a splash of milk. It helps to break up the monotony of water that I need to drink. These things have been blessings though, because it makes it easier to eat well during the day. My favorite thing for today is being 7.5 lbs. lighter than I was a couple of weeks ago. Yay!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:

Here is picture thought I am sharing…

Pumpkin wasn’t feeling quite like herself. She wanted a nap during the morning, so I put her on the couch and covered her with the blankie that I made for DH. She slept there, but when I went to check on her again, she was gone. I found her in the chair. Kids are funny creatures.

It has been a warm day today, though not overly warm. Since the afternoon was mild, we all walked up to the Market together. We got a few things to get us by, though I forgot the lettuce. If I am feeling up to it, I may go and get that tomorrow, since I have been eating so much salad of late.

Our car is still broken, though it is a different part now. There was a pulley arm that broke while DH was getting the car put back together. He is blaming himself and has been terribly cranky about it. He is very frustrated because we have no way to get a new part, especially with the junk yards being closed on Sundays. He will have to find a ride to work in the morning, and I hope that his brother can take him. I’ll have to ask DH to call him, and I’ll send along money to give to him for the trouble. There is certainly some difficulty in living in a place that has a rather poor public transportation system. I am going to look into bus routes though, to see what we can manage if no one can help us. From what I understand, the buses have bike racks on them. If we can get DH close enough, he may just have a couple of miles to bike, to get to work.

I am so thankful for our neighborhood Market. DH was asking me about their prices, because he thought that they were a little high. I don’t mind paying more though, because I know that a privately owned market has different expenses compared to large chain stores. I am just thankful to have a store within walking distance that has everything that we could need.  They may not have everything that we would want, but the stock is perfectly sufficient for getting by. One of the things that I am very appreciative for is the quality of the meat chest. Even when things are tight for us, I can afford something there. They offer turkey legs for around $1 each. The three of us can eat off of one leg for a dinner, so long as we have vegetables, pasta, or salad.

I’ve been limping along since we came back from the Market. However, I did find enough ‘umph’ to mow the grass a little. Our mower is just barely working, so it moves as slow as I do. I got about 80% of the back yard done. I will have to see if Mr. Jack comes around within the next couple of days. Maybe he can give me a decent price to cut the grass since we gave him a mower blade the other day. If I don’t see him, I’ll have to limp around with the limping mower and cut the front grass myself. It has gone to seed, it is getting so long. My busy neighbor over yonder may just complain to the city, with my yard being unsightly and all. *rolls eyes* It isn’t that bad, but it isn’t nice and neat either. There is only so much that a Jennapiller can do, at least without a little leg support. As it is, I’m going to have to take some meds and ice my leg for a while.

I feel bad because Church sent us a card in the mail, saying that they miss us. It is the generic “you’ve been gone too long” kind of card. There has got to be a better way to do that, I think. It would be nicer to just know that someone is praying for us and looking out for us, instead of looking at our empty seats and wiggling eyebrows. I would love to be in church every week. I’m not sure that DH really feels the same, but that is an area of contention between us, I guess. I know he is tired, and he is disappointed that we never give as much as we truly want to. I know that he gets sick of hearing the “why haven’t you been here” kind of questions, as though we’re only *truly* welcome if we make it through the door weekly and with our 10%. I know that folks don’t mean to be like that, or give that kind of impression. I think that he is just sensitive to it because he feels like he is lacking. It’s kind of like rubbing salt in a wound.

I was going to church without DH, but decided that it was probably not the best thing for us. It may be hard to put into words just the right way. I just want to encourage him to take us, not to show him that we don’t need him. I also don’t want to shame him into going. It’s a touchy thing. The only thing that causes me a bit of deeper concern is Pumpkin. She really needs to be around the other children. Our own neighbors won’t let her play with their children over there, so she feels very alone. It makes her feel much better to at least have her friends at Sunday School. They are happy to see her and play with her, and that makes a world of difference. I am just praying that walking her over to the soccer field for a few weeks will help her make some closer friends, at least until we are able to drive to church again.

There is a lady who is looking to possibly start a homeschool co-op near us! I just caught wind of it the other day, since they are still working out the planning kinks. Boy, that sounds like so much fun. Pumpkin would LOVE to have a bit of a school-ish environment with other children. With her lack of friends around here, I have been feeling a lot of pressure to put her in a public school. While I don’t agree with some of what they teach (and I LOVE teaching her myself), I don’t want to have her in a situation that breeds discontent and loneliness. I just thought that if she did go to public school, she could come back home for school if she decided that she didn’t like it- and it would be her decision. She couldn’t hold it against me. lol Even a semester or two might help her to make some friends that she could visit with outside of the school environment. If this co-op thing works out, I think that this would be perfect for us. She would make friends, and I would still be elbow-deep in her education. It would even give me the opportunity broaden my teaching skills.

Oh! I have to go. DH needs help finding a wrench….

I talked to Rebekkah at my PCP’s office on Friday, May 30th. She  said that  she was faxing over a copy of my referral information to the HMO before she left for the day. I don’t know how long it will take to hear back from the HMO, but at least the paperwork is in.

I don’t understand why they would put me into the care of a Primary Care Physician and a Orthopedic Specialist, and then second-guess and critique their opinions on my health. But, the HMO rep that I talked to assured me that they would make arrangements to have the brace ordered if they thought that I needed it. Rebekkah said that the HMO generally faxes them a letter about their decisions, and that she would let me know as soon as she heard something from them. From what I understand, this can take about 10 - 14 days or so.

My husband is wearing a rainbow of different colors today. When I last checked on him, he was smeared with Transmission Fluid Red. He has been working on the car today, trying to fix our power steering, since our hose broke on Thursday. His brother took him to work on Friday, and DH rode his bicycle up to a morning appointment at a clinic that he works at. He said that a rather short trip became longer because he had to drop a part (or something) off with one of his bosses. It all would have been just peachy except that DH skinned himself on some concrete while riding by the bridge for the expressway. He didn’t know that they had removed the sidewalk from under it, so it caused an impromptu detour and accidental wipe-out when he back wheel got caught up. D’oh!

I helped DH to bandage up the places where he skinned up his hands, and now he is immersed in gunk. He managed to get the old hose off, and is now trying to get the new one installed. I guess it is hard to get his hands and tools up into some tight spots, but he would rather do that than take the front end of the car off to get at it. My poor guy.

I feel bad, but I’ve been letting Pumpkin watch movies all day today. I’ve been researching some school stuff and visiting with DH periodically. I bring him iced coffee and fetch him things. Then I retreat to the house for a bit. The heat is starting to give me a headache. I think that I may clean up a little in the basement and put on a meal for us down there. It is just too hot upstairs. DH seems confident that I can help him lift the little sofa high enough to get past the pool table, which would give us a little sitting area to relax in. If he isn’t too sore, maybe we can do that in an  hour or two. We need to get used to being downstairs, because that is how we will beat the heat of the summer.

[I am adding this information here, just so I remember what I did on each date. I am also starting a file to save all of my paperwork, hoping that I don’t have to fight with my health insurance to try and get my appointments and treatments covered.] 

If feels like I’ve been at the doctor’s office all day today. DH took a half day to drive me to the specialist, and I’m glad that he did. I would have been hopelessly lost if he hadn’t taken me. The medical building was rather depressing. DH said that it felt like a bus station, not a doctor’s office.

Thankfully, it didn’t take me very long to get back to see my doctor, since I had an appointment. He ordered a bunch of x-rays, and then took me in hand. He moved my legs this way and that. He prodded and manipulated… and he even pulled out a cool measurement device.

In the end, he told me some things that I already knew, and some things that I had dreaded hearing. He reaffirmed that I do indeed have knocked-knees. Of course, anyone who looks at me for 2 seconds would see that though. What I didn’t know was that my left knee is at a 10 degree angle, and my right is at 15 degrees. He said that the normal generally tends to be 3-7 degrees or so. Oh yeah, and I have arthritis in my right knee.
Since my biggest concern is being able to walk around for exercise, Doc wants me fitted with a custom knee brace. He said that it will hurt for a while, because he wants to try and manipulate my gait to relieve some of the pain on the outside of my knee. He also wants me in physical therapy so they can help me strengthen my knee and ease some of my swelling and pain. He knows that my goal is to exercise so I can lose weight, and I think he wants to see me off on the right foot (no pun intended).

The rather distressing news is that I will have to wear the brace all of the time for 6-12 months, after which I may be facing surgery. He told me bluntly that if I can’t get enough relief from the brace and therapy, the next step would be to cut through the bone and turn my leg. Let me just say… OUCH. OUCH. OUCH. That makes me feel a little sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I guess I’ve known that that was lingering out there since I was a kid, but I didn’t like it any better back then either. Have I mentioned that I have panic attacks when confined in a cast? They may have to give me sedatives if they want to go that route, because I’m not sure that I could keep myself calm on my own. When I had a cast after that horse fell on me, I cut it off early because I was having panic attacks. Ooo… my doctor was upset with me!

Once I was through with the specialist, he sent me to the medical supply store. Of course, they found that I belong to an HMO, and they couldn’t fill the order for my brace. Nope, I have to see my PCP and have him refer me to a place that might fill the order if they think I need it. Have I mentioned how much I don’t like this HMO business? I am just praying that they give me a chance with the brace. I don’t want anyone cutting on my leg, and I can’t afford the brace on my own. The lady at the supply store said that the brace I need will be about $1,000.00 . I could make a mortgage payment with that.

We stopped by the PCP and dropped off the paperwork from the specialist, and I am supposed to call them in the morning to talk to the referral gals. They can draw me up some papers, and I am going to check the HMO site for a supply company that they will approve.

Today’s total: $20.00 co-pay for specialist office call